So I was just helping her today and she rambled as usual about shit I never care about. Until she started on how Earth came to be, and how it was all created in seven days blah blah BS blah blah, and I happened to comment that I already knew what she was talking about to shut her up, which failed anyway. And she was surprised as all heck to hear that for some reason. Asked how I knew, if I had read, blah blah. "No, Christianity is one of the most dominant religions in the world. So of course." Let alone one of the most influential concepts in the world and the dominant religion in America. It's like know about the OJ trial without ever having seen it, which is true for me as well. Then the blah blah. Then about "intelligent design" and I snickered of course. I did not feel like going into a four day non-stop talk-and-draw about matter from energy -> electrons -> atoms -> electron interactions -> molecules -> spontaneous macromolecules (including DNA which "oh hell, kills the devil with fire") -> rudimentary cell structures -> cells -> Endosymbiont Theory -> colonial cells -> multicellular on up. Probably because I suspect she is not intelligent enough to grasp even one of those concepts on anything but in the most broad terms and would fail to tie the concepts together, let alone believe the sheer amount of overwhelming evidence and experimental results. Shit, then I would have to explain what an experiment is and what makes something strong to be a Theory let alone a Law. So I sat there laughing in my head why she rambled about "intelligent design" and how she believes the Big Bang is not possible, while probably have no clue what it is, how a diety "God" created the moon, stars, sun. "Never argue with a fool, as people will have a hard time telling the difference between you and them." So that is what I did. Rather than explain in depth I kept my mouth shut and waited for her to leave. Now that she is aware that I have knowledge of Christian ideology she will probably actively try a conversion on my ass or something. I was Protestant many years ago because I was raised that way but I have been atheist most of my life. Conversion ain't happening as I prefer to use my brain to answer my questions. Many, including some very intelligent men, feel that religion and science can live together. In this regard I do not see how, which is perhaps a failing on my part intellectually to at least see the possibility of others thoughts.

I lost him. I'll never hear his voice again. I never see him again but in pictures. And it's my fault. I failed to protect him.

The moon is gone.

Today is less like shit. My stomach has settled down some. Still coughing, haven't quite shaken off that cold. Tired as shit. Had a dream about wrong clocks and unintentionally hurting new born turtles, the symbol of loyalty in dreams and a dominant figure in my dreams about Chris. Not hurting him about this stupid "living in sin" shit. Of course I do not live in sin give that sin does not exist, sex is never a sin, love and sex/physical touch are deeply intertwined in my head as to be nearly one and the same, and marriage (merely a social construct created for procreation and property securement), has no bearing on love nor any ability to alter it. But hurting him with my own needs. I need to go to school but it means a dramatic schedule shift for him and sacrifices from him when I frankly feel like I take too much from him already. I wanted my mates mother to like me. I am a likeable and good person I wanted to like my mates family but when I am attacked and he is attacked repeatedly I am left with little choice but to dislike.

None of this shit makes me love Chris any less. I am still full to bursting on my love for him. Though still undeserved of all of his returned love.

Anyway, I'm tired and I have class.